As a mother, watching your child transition from childhood to adolescence can feel like a rollercoaster ride—full of twists, turns, and moments of uncertainty. One of the most challenging phases in this journey is the preteen years, a time when your child is caught between childhood innocence and the complex world of adolescence. As a Christian mother, I’ve found that understanding the preteen mindset through a biblical lens can help me approach these years with patience, grace, and wisdom.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Preteens are emotional. It’s a natural part of their development as their brains are undergoing significant changes. Their emotions can swing from joy to frustration in a matter of minutes, and sometimes it feels like we’re watching an internal storm unfold before our eyes. As parents, it can be difficult to navigate these emotional outbursts. But as a Christian mother, I remind myself that God created our children with deep emotions, and it’s our job to help guide them in managing and expressing those feelings appropriately.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1 that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When faced with an emotional preteen, it’s important to respond with gentleness and understanding. Rather than reacting with frustration, I try to model patience and help them understand that emotions, while strong, don’t have to control their behavior.
The Search for Identity
During the preteen years, children are beginning to form their identities. They may experiment with their appearance, interests, and even their beliefs. It can be a confusing time for them, as they seek approval from their peers, family, and even from within themselves. As a Christian mother, I see this as a wonderful opportunity to guide my children in discovering their true identity in Christ.
The world around them will try to define who they should be, but we must remind them of what God says about their worth. In Psalm 139:14, the Bible tells us, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Helping my preteens understand that they are beautifully and uniquely made by God empowers them to find their identity in Him, not in fleeting trends or the approval of others.
Growing Independence
Preteens are at the stage where they begin to crave more independence. They want to make their own decisions, test boundaries, and sometimes rebel against authority. While this can be frustrating, it’s also a sign of healthy development. They are learning how to navigate the world on their own, and it’s crucial for us, as parents, to provide the right balance of freedom and guidance.
Ephesians 6:4 reminds us, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Giving our preteens a sense of independence doesn’t mean abandoning structure; instead, it’s about empowering them with choices and responsibility, while still guiding them in their faith and values. When they make mistakes (and they will), it’s important to use those moments as teachable opportunities that point them back to God’s grace and love.
Encouraging Faith During the Transition
As preteens navigate this period of rapid change, their faith can become a vital anchor. We, as parents, can help them build a strong foundation by consistently modeling our own faith, encouraging prayer, and involving them in church activities. It’s not enough for them to simply hear about God—they need to experience Him personally.
I’ve found that taking time for family devotions, praying together, and talking about God’s Word in everyday situations helps my preteens develop a deeper relationship with Christ. In Deuteronomy 6:7, we are called to “impress [God’s commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” By making faith a part of their everyday lives, we equip our children to stand strong in their beliefs, even as they face the challenges of growing up.
Conclusion
The preteen years can be challenging, but they are also filled with immense opportunity. By understanding their mindset and guiding them with love, patience, and faith, we can help our children navigate this transformative time. As Christian mothers, our role is not just to guide them through the physical and emotional changes they’re experiencing, but also to point them back to the unwavering love of God—a love that will sustain them throughout their lives.